If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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