Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
