you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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