Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
