allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize