Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize