The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
