On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
