This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize