Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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