Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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