I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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