Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
