Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
