can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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