I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
