I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize