I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
