yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize