No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
