the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
