put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
