I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
