I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
