I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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