Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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