Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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