So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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