You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
