just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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