I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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