I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
