So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize