So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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