My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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