shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
