She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
