Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
