I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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