How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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