Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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