I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
