My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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