I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize