I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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