NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
