last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
