Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
