i just wanna soil my oats bro
well I can't set my house on fire every night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
