it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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