it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
