If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
