Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
