So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
