I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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