He told me they were just razor bumps!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize