It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
