You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
