We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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