apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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