The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
