drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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