I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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