dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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