We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
