it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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