its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
