Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
